Through The Rear-View Mirror

If there's one thing about driving that never ceases to annoy me, it's the rear-view mirror. Of course it's useful, for driving's purposes, but personally, it's a burden. As a driver, I tend to shift in my seat. Whether leaning forward to change the station away from the mega-talented Sean Paul, or leaning on my left arm, the rear-view mirror has a horrible tendency of never being where I want it be. Any good driver spends a chunk of their time looking in their finely positioned mirror - it should be a given that the damn thing be where it should. Before I get charged with character defamation, I'd like to take a moment and share with you the favorable (ok, not favorable, but tolerable) qualities of the rear view mirror. It hides nothing.

Let's be completely honest with ourselves. Certain mirrors have different features than others. Perhaps the mirror in your bathroom is more flattering than the mirror in your bedroom. It's nice to know that our favorite mirrors show a fair reflection, but the rear-view mirror has no friends. The last place anyone wants to check themselves out is in the rear-view. Objects seem closer than they appear is no understatement. From the rear-view mirror a blind man can count the pores on his forehead (and that's no understatement either). It shows no mercy to the late-night partier who's had so much to drink that their face vaguely resembles a lunar eclipse. The rear-view mirror is your brutally honest friend who tells you that they've seen better hair on Wayne Newton. Needless to say, it's not polite. On the other hand, this characteristic is something that all of us need. Looking in one mirror for what you want to see doesn't change what you really are. The rear-view mirror tells no lies and has no friends because of it. It's hard to swallow, sure, but maybe this mirror - this instrument of bitter truths - deserves a little more respect. Our bedroom mirrors don't tell us what we need to hear, they simply feed our confidence with falsehoods. Our bedroom mirrors don't protect from what other people see, they simply show us what we want them to see. Our bedroom mirrors don't keep our secrets, they just shield us from what we know is there - from which we have no chance of hiding.

Just remember, as you forge your way down the local boulevard, that the tacky rectangle attached to the windshield is more than just a hanger for your fuzzy dice. Its advice may hurt, but it's far more valuable than any words a friend can share.

And that's no understatement.