Let Me Be No Nearer

A while back, I tossed around the idea of writing a piece based on a particular verse from T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men".

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

The post never came to fruition, but not for lack of trying. I've found that sometimes the best things to say simply aren't ready to be said, aren't ready to be understood. The poignancy of the verse struck a certain chord at the time, when thoughts of change (and the end of friendships) were dominated by the reality of them merely fading away, but for whatever reason, the post just couldn't be written. I had a difficult time wrapping my brain, and my fingers, around the idea of change coming not with a bang, but a whimper, and I might have found my most recent justification as to why that is. Even now, I'm sitting here trying to remember the breakthrough I had no less than twenty minutes ago, when the ideas stirred fresh in my mind. Perhaps that's the genius of Eliot, and if it were his intention to confuse and muddle the thoughts of a young writer he never had the pleasure of meeting, it's needless to say he's been successful.

Ironically enough, this is probably the last post I'll be making from my American homestead. I had envisioned an eloquent final piece to jerk the tears from your eyes, a nice tribute to the friends I should've treated better, the friends that treated me so well. While there's a chance that I may find time later in the day to hop on and properly send myself off, I figured Eliot's words held more potency this way. I've been waiting months for today to arrive, all the while "preparing" tlinemyself for goodbyes and anxiously anticipating the emotions I'd feel. Here I am. The day is now, and I'm nothing but unprepared. I suppose I couldn't incorporate my thoughts on Eliot sooner because I hadn't the reason. I certainly didn't expect the verses to reign so true, but look at me now: I don't know whether to say goodbye or fool myself into thinking I'll be back in six hours. While moving to Ireland isn't exactly as extreme as relocating to the Congo, I'm rather convinced it's all relative. I'll still be able to chime in from time to time with my infinite wisdom (things of an infinite nature are never ending, obviously), but the Sean that tirelessly revealed to you his inner-most thoughts for the past two years mightn't ever be the same. And there, my friends, is the irony. In a few hours, Detroit Metro Airport will become the cusp of the greatest change I've ever experienced, and I can't tell my ass from my elbow - let alone a bang from a whimper.

Truth be told, I'm rather lost at this point. I'm not sure whether I should keep going with this post lest I've yet to make any semblance of a point. But, there's a fear of saying too much, of ruining a moment with one word too many, that I can't seem to overcome. I have every intention of writing for you again, hopefully in the very near future, but now standing at the foothills of a brand new mountain, and because of this I don't think I'll say much more. Rather, I'm going to sit on my couch and wonder if I'm doing the right thing, hope to convince myself of such, and realize that whether it be with a bang or a whimper, change is swift approaching.

Until we meet again.