Somebody Shoot Me, Yeah, Right There - In the Face

Today was so like, blah, I had a hard time like keeping my head on straight. So like I woke up at around, um, six oh ten am, that's like the morning, and I heard like the rooster crowing and stuff! And so then I like fell out of my bed and landed on like this magical roller coaster. It was tubular! No, not like a tube! Like totally awesome! So, like, I road this LIKE roller coster all the way to like the end of this tonnel. And at the end of this tonnel I saw this brite lite. It was really brite. Trust me.

Oh my loving God. That was the hardest little piece I have ever had to write. You know the part that really bothers me? That's the vernacular of people today. "Yeah, baby, rite on." Excuse me, no. It's just not happening for me. I guess I'm not feeling the groove (but feeling that groove is like falling head first into the damn Grand Canyon - something I just don't want to do). Is it just me, or are the stupid youth of AIM allergic to vowels? Is there something glorious about consonants that puts them on the internet pedestal of glory? I like my vowels. Without vowels you wouldn't be able to spell my name, Sean, or such splendiferous words as Mississippi. Could you imagine saying Mississippi as Msssspp? How about no. But I digress. I'm talking about those stupid little morons who think it's cool to have not a single vowel in their screennames. Here's an example for the ages.."dbnzmstwntd24". What, in God's gracious name, is that? Without vowels, my friends, you have an uneducated slop-pile of letters - such as the one I have portrayed. Here's what it should be. "Dearborn's Most Wanted." Oh yeah, and the 24 (how could I forget). Just trying to pronounce that screenname, minus the vowels, is enough to cause the anxiety attack of the century - but ok, sounds good to me. I suppose I just don't understand what's wrong with using ALL of the wonderful letters we call our own. I mean, what's wrong with the random "E", or sometimes "Y"?

Absltly Nthng.