Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines

As I sit here, staring at the digital clock on the bottom right side of my monitor, I'm passively mulling a few thoughts over. No specific thought comes to mind, but I'm sure everyone goes through the same thing. I'm just sitting here, thinking, but not entirely knowing why (or what, for that matter). I suppose I can entice you all with an up-to-the-minute feed straight from my brain, but I'd rather not. Honestly, I'd don't think most of you would last five minutes living in my head. One can only handle so much boredom.

I have a few things to say, but I'm not really sure how to say them. Don't worry, it's nothing outrageous or alien. Actually, I'm willing to bet that it's actually quite meaningless, but I'm just failing to articulate whatever the hell I want to say. I think everyone has problems. It's a little strange, and I'm not sure if it's just me, but I always expect too much of people. I always look for the perfect person, the one who hasn't done this or that. Any idea what I'm getting at? I guess I'm just trying to express a certain disappointment in the way everything and everyone has to be. I'm certainly not calling myself a saint, but why is that there aren't more people decent honor codes? I wonder what I'd think of myself If I passed me on the street, or met me at a party. How would I perceive myself? Would I carry the same negative intonations of myself that I do towards other people? That thought leads me to believe that people will never truly know themselves. Yes, we know ourselves only because we have the first person view, an insight into the thought process. But what if we were to step back and take a look. How many of us would hate the person we are? I know, that's a question that we can't answer. What I mean to say is that we don't know who we are. We never will. Sure, we'll know where we stand and what we feel, but we don't know how we'll react at any given situation, and that might be a little scary. Frankly, we know other people better than we know ourselves. We has humans are blind to our own faults and obsessed with the faults of others, leading us to know way too much about someone else. I can tell you right now what my friend will say when I confront him with a certain question, or how he'll react in a certain setting. It's a shame that I don't have the opportunity to see myself through the same lens -- the impartial eye of the third party. Would I see my faults or my strengths? What faults do I have? How can I change them. We need to help ourselves become better people. How can we do this? I haven't the slightest. One thing I do know is that it's a lot easier for me to form this theories than it is to do them. I suppose it would better for me if I was ignorant to the evils of the world. It seems like they have no conscience, no limitations to restrain them from this or that. Why can't I live the way they do? I know I really don't want that, but for once I want to escape from this cell -- this prison of my mind. My sense of right and wrong is too defined. Is that bad? No, it's really not. It's more depressing than anything. Here I am, alone in all of my principles, staring out at some world that I don't really want anything to do with.